As we embrace the chill of October and say goodbye to all September brought to us, I say ciao to my 30’s. September marks the start of my “new year” and as you can imagine, I reflect on mistakes and lessons.
My 30’s was a time of extensive exploration and alignment. I was going through a break-up and reconnecting with my passions, like traveling. I traveled to 9 countries and was abroad for close to 5 months. Although I did every single thing I wanted to do and feel more aligned to my authentic self, I also made some mistakes.
Here are the six mistakes I made in my 30’s and the lessons I learned.
1. I held on too tight
I held on too tight to the past and my ideas of how things needed to be, ignoring what was. I was mourning the end of a relationship and was “unbecoming” identities I thought were authentic to me. And on top of it all, I was grieving the memory of a few loved ones I lost. I held on too tight to the old that was passing away because I was afraid of the new coming in. In the end, it caused me more harm than good. I learned that while mourning and remembering are essential, there is a time to let things grow and float to their next destination.
2. I disrespected myself
I’m not one to disrespect myself, ever. My self-love journey has taken me past that. But this year, in the midst of openness to explore and live life, I violated some of my values. It wasn’t intentional, but rather the result of small repetitive actions. Every time I engaged in conversations with people who I knew were energy draining; I disrespected myself emotionally. When I let myself think about the past and things that made me sad, I disrespected myself mentally. And for the two instances I put myself in situations that violated my intuition, I disrespected my truth. I learned to pay attention. Even the slightest inkling to disrespect myself was attached to the belief that specific actions or company would satisfy an unmet need. In reality, all it did was show me the areas in myself that need more care and attention.
3. I expected too much from others
My good friend Lynnclaire Dennis always says, “expectations are premeditated resentment.” Mmm. I love that. Although I have learned this from past sufferings, this year it presented itself in new ways. I expected those who claim to be conscious and “woke” to act better in specific instances. Wishing people were as excited as me was another false expectation. Also, I expected the same level of reciprocation from people I just met, who didn’t know me enough to know that is important to me. Most of all, I expected myself to do things I wasn’t ready to. It was a big waste of time and energy. I learned to let things unfold as they will and to watch my thoughts in the process.
4. I didn’t give myself credit where it was due
I don’t go around bragging about the things I have accomplished. There were instances where others would compliment me on things, and I completely downplayed it. You know what that sounds like, “ Oh that thing, oh that was easy. Anyone can do that.” I didn’t give myself credit for having the courage to buy a one-way ticket to backpack for 5 months. I diminished the value of the accumulated insight I’ve gathered throughout the years and was happily sharing with others. And I depreciated all the internal work I accomplished this year, like conquering fears, making difficult choices, etc…
Giving credit where it’s due, (starting with yourself), is not only healthy, but necessary.
5. I wasn’t honest fast enough
There were people in my life that required my thoughts on interpersonal matters, and I failed to deliver. Most of the times, I knew what I wanted to express, but waited because I was afraid to say it right away. I learned that doing/saying the right thing at the right time or once the time gap closes, causes more suffering. If you have something to say and it can aid someone in their distress, say it.
6. I wanted to understand too much
Understanding has always been a crutch for me. If I don’t understand something, I question it until I get it. With all the changes and rebirth of identity that came with this year, I was in a constant state of doubt. ” Is this what I want to do? Why is this opportunity presenting itself? Do I still need this,” were consistent questions.
Despite the peace of knowing I was right where I needed to be, I questioned my path because I didn’t fully grasp what it was becoming. I learned that even when I don’t fully understand what is happening in front of me, something in me (whether it’s my body, my gut, or my mind) is always pointing me in the right direction. Taking heed to the wisdom within is vital.
Loving Reminder ♥
Taking the time to consider our mistakes and learn from them, is necessary for your next steps to be fruitful.
Lets talk. Have you made any of the above mistakes? How did you learn from it?